Octopodes that are Classy As Fuck! And yes the plural of "Octopus" is "Octopodes."
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I'm Mateo, 16, I have freckles, I'm Asian, and insert words that pertain to me here.
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how to kiss

[step 1] open your mouth as wide as possible. make sure to stick out your tongue as far as you can, too, since kisses are like, 90% that thing

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[step 2] find someone to kiss. you will know they want to kiss because their tongue will also be extended at full length

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[step 3] move in for the kill

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I’m crying omg

ynnuf:

You’ve been buttering your cats wrong this whole time.

stickiebun13:

omgpoetry:

this is funny

like really, really funny

My BF had to explain it to me and now I feel like an idiot as he laughs his fucking ass off.

einsteinrosenbridges:

a moment of silence for all the kids on the hogwarts express who wanted to buy something off the trolley but couldn’t because some 11 year old bought literally everything

vaelin72:

just-a-bunch-of-girls:

raideo:

picklespickleyama:

bronzebasilisk:

fan-troll:

lord-kitschener:

jimblespage:

jolys:

caterjunes:

spiffymuffin:

yunghau5:

3dboyfriends:

smashbrethren:

prostheticknowledge:

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

the time is now

hell yeah

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ah yes, the ol rolling pin dilda

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it’s called the purple ramjet

which end do you start with? the answer is yours to decide

shove a vase up your ass

not even jesus could save yall motherfuckers’ souls

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i call it the matterhorn

cackling just continues to get louder as I scroll through

i think this is the first time an internet community has discovered something customizable and adamantly refused to make penises

To be honest I wasn’t going to reblog this until that last comment slayed me.

dammit that one got me too XD

Are you up for anything?

mvtk42:

faerill:

torn-by-dreams:

thewintergrump:

rosengeist:

faerill:

A young gay dragon being forced to explain to his dad why he’s only kidnapping princes

A young gay prince having to explain to his dad how he keeps managing to get kidnapped by the same dragon, over and over.

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so does the dragon shapeshift or are 100,000+ people really okay with a dragon a human doing the do

People want to fuck dragons this isn’t a new phenomenon

#if a donkey can fuck a dragon then why can’t i

The myth of virginity - by a satanist

ilovecoffeeandcats:

When looking for ideal humans to sacrifice, virginity doesn’t matter as much as is rumored. Well, virginity from male genitals at least. That was pretty much just something guys made up because they would like to believe that their dicks are so important that they actually change people in some way. Virginity from things that are actually of consequence, however, actually are quite important to keep in mind. Would you give a mortal impregnated with worldly toxins to your dearest Dark Lord? I think not. That is why vegans are ideal, their blood and organs are of a quality not oft seen in this world. The whole sacrificing virgins myth really started when worshipers would simply target virgins, assuming, with good reason, that young woman untouched by sex would also be pure from drinking and other such blood muddying merriments. So, younglings, don’t let any man lead you to believe his precious dingdong means anything, and keep that blood clean!

I turned my opinions on ‘virginity’ into a short story. It’s my opinion so if you find this offensive I’m sorry just unfollow me.

moriartys:

weavemunchers:

imagine if your fridge did what you do to it everyday, every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5 minutes then leaves

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generalbriefing:

Yep this pretty much covers how history is taught here